Kimberly A. Frechette turned 70 on May 6, 2024, but it was not a typical birthday for her. It took all my energy during the middle of the week before her birthday to contact all the children and loved ones to ask them to wish her a happy birthday on the day of her birthday and stop by to see her. You would think that they would do this automatically, but no!
Some children with grandchildren, including an ex-daughter-in-law, arrived at the house with flowers. Others contacted her by phone, and others sent birthday cards. My sister sent flowers. Even her older sister called from Texas while those who arrived were still at the house, and she could talk with them and Kimberly.
Her sister thanked me for taking care of Kimberly. It felt great that someone on her side of the family appreciated the hard work that goes into being a caregiver. Don’t take me wrong—I have others on her side of the family and my family and friends I talk with regularly by phone who support me. Or I should say they let me vent when I need to vent.
The sad thing is that Kimberly did not recognize who was there or her sister’s voice on the phone. Some children looked puzzled when she did not pay much attention to them. In fact, Kimberly did not know that it was her birthday.
What I can strongly say on the subject is that if you want her attention, you have to spend time visiting her more often so she can get accustomed to you. Let me repeat: You must spend more time reestablishing your relationship with her. That is the reality. Doing this will trigger who you are in her long-term memory!
While the flowers she received for her birthday were great, they did not do anything for her, as she battles Behavioral Variant Frontotemporal Dementia Stage 2. What Kimberly liked the best and continues to look at every day is the action or pop-up cards. Her first cousin from Texas has been sending her these cards for a while now, and she loves them!
Now that her birthday has come and gone, what happened to Mother’s Day two days later? While she heard from a few family members by text or a card that came in the mail, the majority did not reach out to her.
What is wrong with families today? That is so sad, and it breaks my heart to see how family members ignore her and do not lift a finger to help me as I am trying to take care of her full-time!
