“I, _____, take thee, _____, to be my wedded wife (husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”
In the United States, this is a legally binding contract between you and your spouse and with the state where the wedding ceremony was performed.
The phrase “in sickness and in health” is a legally responsible notion that spouses have a duty to care for one another. What does this mean for an unpaid caregiver caring for the person they married?
It means that, like in my case, where I am a caregiver to my wife Kimberly A Frechette, who is battling Behavioral Variant Frontotemporal Dementia Stage 2—I am on my own without any assistance from the government. This means that this silent disease can take the life of two, both the caregiver and the person with the disease, and it is an out-of-pocket disease.
We live in a “Capitalist Society” where greed is a powerful weapon, and the simple notion of helping someone who needs it no longer exists. We, as Americans, do not care for our seniors and loved ones who have a disease like other countries do—shame on us for letting this happen!
When all is said and done, and if you, the caregiver, survive this, it is most likely you will have spent your 401K, retirement, and savings (if you have any of those) and will find yourself in poverty after your loved one passes on if not before.
It is heartbreaking that everyone, including the government, has lost sight of how spouse caregivers play a very important role in our economy by caring for their loved ones at home; they help reduce the overall demand for commercial care.
A few states have adopted new policies during COVID-19, allowing spouses to be paid as caregivers. The state of Washington is not one of those states. Yes, we could consider going on Medicaid (if we qualify for it), but as I spoke with our attorney specializing in Elder Law, he recommended that it would not be in your best interest to go down this path.
I agree with the attorney after reading the Washington Apple Health (Medicaid) And Long-Term Services and Support (LTSS) for Adults booklet published by the Washington State Department of Social and Health Services, Aging and Long-Term Support Administration.
Spouse Caregivers do not have many choices. However, they would be paid if they cared for a child, cousin, aunt, etc. Ironically, even divorced spouses can be paid. So why is a spouse caregiver excluded, and why have we, the people, let this happen in the first place?
That is why, with the help of others, our GoFundMe campaign was established to ask the public to donate to the cause. Hence, I know that Kimberly will be taken care of until I can sort things out and fight for my rights and the rights of those spouse caregivers who are not being paid!
Remember that spouse caregivers face financial burdens, isolation, and limited resources. We need to come together and help and support caregivers reaching out for help. Help make an unpaid spouse caregiver’s day a little brighter by bringing some sunshine into their life!
