What is incontinence? I know that it is every full-time caregiver’s nightmare, including myself. In Kimberly A. Frechette’s case, it was an overactive bladder, which doctors will say is caused by a neurogenic detrusor overactivity (NDO). What the heck is NDO? It is a condition where the bladder muscle contracts involuntarily and frequently due to nerve damage.
This may be true for other individuals but not for Kimberly. In 2023, I discussed with the Neurologist and Obstetricians-Gynecologists (OB-GYNs) that my wife was constantly going to the bathroom. I changed her water intake during the day, but that didn’t help. So, Kimberly’s OB-GYNs prescribed Myrbetrig to help treat the specific cause, which is the overactive bladder. I cannot tell you for sure if the medication is helping or not. But I can say that she has not had any accidents (wetting herself) up to April 28, 2024.
But it was on this date that things started to change. That night, she was sound asleep on the incliner sofa, and I woke her up to prepare for bed. I then went on to do something in the dining room. A few minutes later, she came to me and mentioned that “she thought she had wet her pants.” I said that I would be able to tell once I looked at the sofa—boy, did she wet the sofa and herself!
Because Kimberly has Behavioral Variant Frontotemporal Dementia Stage 2, this disease is contributing to and/or interfering with the signal of awareness that she has to go to the restroom. In other words, the brain is not waking her to say you must go to the bathroom now!
This disease trumps all other diseases. This is not a mental disorder but a disease in which the brain shrinks, which can cause related disorders that will alter their personality, behavior, language, and movement. The brain is damaged in the frontal and temporal brain regions. To date, there is no known cure for bvFTD.
The alteration of the brain can affect bladder control, which is why I am unsure if Myrbetriq is helping. However, I will discuss this with Kimberly’s OB-GYN.
A couple of days later, I was talking with a business associate whose mother has a similar disease. She gave me some pointers and products to consider purchasing to help our environment if she has any future accidents. So, I got up online and purchased what I needed, and the rest I purchased at a grocery store close to home. We were talking about incontinence pads, furniture pads, and women’s overnight underwear. I was ready to battle incontinence head-on.
Things were moving nicely, and I thought I had everything under control. But not so. Kimberly did not like the purple overnight underwear. She would take them off, put them in the trash, and come out of the bathroom naked from the waist down, and it did not matter who was in the house at that time.
So, I called Kimberly’s first cousin in Texas, and we talked a bit and came up with an idea that may work. I had already purchased her expensive black high-waisted top lace with built-in pad underwear in 2023. I now have Kimberly put the black underwear on over the overnight underwear, and for the most part, this has stopped her from taking off the overnight underwear and throwing it away.
Now, every morning, I spend an hour with Kimberly, patting her body down to remove moisture. Then, I rub her body, especially areas where skin touches the skin (under the breast or stomach skin fold), with cornstarch powder and put hydrating lotion on her arms and legs before I get her dressed. Yes, I have to dress her.
Then, on May 22, 2024, the unthinkable happened. I was going through the routine, and she had motor lips that morning, and she would not keep quiet. She would say things like, “I hate standing here naked with my husband, or Your hands are ice cold, or I could fart right now, or Do you want to suck my titties? Or Don’t let me fall, okay?” I could keep going here, but you get the point. I know this was not Kimberly talking here, but rather the disease. But what is interesting is that she says things when I touch or get close to certain parts of her body. So, whenever she opened her mouth, I would tweak her nose. She would start laughing. On the third time I did this, she suddenly said, “I think I wet my underwear.”
I am thinking to myself, what is she talking about—she is naked as a Jaybird? Then, all of a sudden, she spreads her legs and squats like a female dog on the front lawn and starts urinating like Niagara Falls all over the carpet in the bedroom. This was out of character for her. She never liked camping, so she would never squat in the woods or think of entering an outhouse to go to the bathroom. She would hold it before she did that—a white ceramic toilet suits her just fine. So, I could not believe what I was witnessing from my wife in the bedroom that day!
It took me over an hour to clean up the mess and the rest of the day for the carpet to dry. I had to do laundry after using every towel in the kitchen to soak up the urine. Everything went downhill from that point on. Even the yolk on my over-easy egg broke that morning, and then I knew the rest of the day would not be good.
Now, I lay an incontinence pad on the bedroom carpet, followed by a thick, folded beach towel on the pad. I make sure Kimberly has gone to the bathroom before I start the routine of getting her ready to be dressed each morning, and she is standing in the center of the towel. I no longer tweak her nose or take anything for granted—I had to learn this lesson the hard way, but so far, so good!
But I am not looking forward to when she loses control of her bowels.
UPDATE: (06/06/2024)
As you can see below, I contacted our neurologist and OB-GYN. Because there are no openings, we will have to wait until our September appointments for both. I will let you know the outcome after our visit.
Hi Leon,
“Incontinence is part of the dementia. I recommend discussing if any further options are available with the OB-GYN and potentially even urology to help reduce this symptom. Still, it is not something that can be cured.”
“This is another factor that may determine whether Kimberly needs to move to a facility with more personnel to help her with changing, dressing, and staying clean.”
Dr. XXX
June 5, 2024
**************************************************************************************************************************
Hi Leon,
Per Dr. XXX: “Please let Leon know I am happy to discuss other treatment options in the office if he wishes. If needed, we can try to schedule the appointment sooner than her September appointment.”
Please let us know what you’d like to do!
Have a wonderful day.
XXX, RN
June 5, 2024
Leon,
I will have schedulers reach out to you to schedule a visit.
Have a wonderful day!
XXX, RN
June 6, 2024
